When you’re dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for the moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?
No she’s not, ’cause she’s gone, gone, gone, gone, gone….

When you’re dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part
She takes you in with her crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye
Wondering could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?
No she can’t, ’cause she’s gone, gone, gone, gone, gone….

Oooooooooohhhhhhhhh

Now do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Would you get them if i did?
No you won’t, ’cause you’re gone, gone, gone, gone, gone….

When you’re dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part

-John Meyer

I was recently asked a really simple question that I had no answer for, ‘What wakes you up in the morning?’. It’s one of those things you’d think everyone has figured out since we all seem to be getting out of bed successfully on a regular basis. Well, there are some obvious answers like force of habit, money, or a really uncomfortable bed. But each of those things could have a whole slew of more basic motivations behind them. Who’s forcing the habit? Your parents, boss? Are you forced because you want to live up to expectations or is it really just pure inertia?

Well, I had no good answer so I thought a good thought experiment would be to imagine yourself physically staying on your bed for weeks, not touching the phone, any of your books, talking to roommates, looking out the window, or anything. You’re just completely cut off from the world around you and you don’t get a chance to tell anyone in advance. What strikes you the most? Who gets the most worried about your well being? Who is let down? What things you are involved with crumble down? And for all the things for which you identify someone or something, which things Really make you long to be back?

Well, a number of things came to mind, but here are my first few immediate, most visceral thoughts. The first thing that came to mind was how worried my parents would be. I know I would be getting a long string of concerned calls and e-mails from them. The feeling of abandonment they’d feel if they knew I was ignoring them really struck me hard because I know how much it means for them just to receive a simple phone call or card from any of their kids. Not being able to hear or see my girlfriend would also be one of the worst things. I’ve really cherished every bit of our three years together even through the long distance which has been tough. I think I’d also spend a lot of time on that bed thinking about where I hadn’t done the best job as a boyfriend and wished I had opened up more.

The first two things that hit me so far had been relationships. The other two were about missed opportunities. One is the missed opportunities to change the world. Now, I don’t mean to be so pretentious as to say I’m sparking global movements. I mean it as making some kind of positive impact on the world around me, through the designs I do at work, helping friends one-to-one, writing a blog post that changes the way someone thinks, or simply figuring out how I will make that positive impact sometime in the future. Finally, I’d miss the opportunities to learn. One of my biggest joys is simply learning new things about this world and processing what I learn into new ideas.

So that’s what came to mind for me. On a lighter note, if you’re Really having trouble getting out of bed in the morning, try this alarm clock (revealed by a I’m Feeling Lucky Google search for “what wakes you up in the morning”):

http://www.we-make-money-not-art.com/archives/004283.php

Reading Malcolm Gladwell’s book “Blink” recently really gave me great appreciation for the power of emotions and instant “gut” thinking. If you haven’t read the book, the basis is that our unconcious minds are able to process through extremely large sets of information to make snap judgements before our concious even has time to really think through the situation. This kind of thinking is viewed as unreliable and we often try to suppress it as unsound thinking. Emotions fall under this type of thinking, and are a manifestation of what our unconscious has processed. An example is the instant reaction you get from someone being insincere. You could not consciously explain exactly why someone seems to be lying, but your unconscious has picked up on various minutiae that sends off the insincerity warning flags.

Recently, it’s really come to my attention in multiple ways that I shield my emotional side, quite obviously, from others. For whatever reason in my life I’ve managed to try to tuck this area away and always resort to completely thinking through everything. But I’m realizing the negative impacts this has been having on myself and others. First of all, trying to hide emotions is always a pure path to disaster. I know everyone can see right through me, or at least tell I’m hiding something. I also just waste away overthinking and overanalyzing everything. Instead of just having a conversation, I actively think about what everything I say will make people think, and then wonder how they’ll respond, etc. I’ll get completely hung up on the smallest things.

I do feel like the things in the book and these thoughts on my own emotions are related. I need to stop getting hung up on perfectly crafting everything I throw out into the public space. I’ve been under the false impression that coming across as who I want to be is a matter of just thinking through everything I say with enough thoughtfulness and forethought. But that just leads me down the path of over-analysis, insincerity, and getting stressed the hell out about everything. The insight I got from Blink was that maybe the answer lies in the most natural, unconcious part of me. Simply letting snap emotional judgments be satisfactory and trusting their instincts.

I started to do that a bit today, just opening up and being Transparent. I haven’t felt that free in a while.